Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
