I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
