I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
