I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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