I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
