Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
