Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We need a shit load of segways right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
