Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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