I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
