Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
