omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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