My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
