I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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