the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
