The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
