I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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