sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
