Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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