I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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