Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
