i just had sex bonerless
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
