I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
