Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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