left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
