it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
