just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
