anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
