don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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