I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
