Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
