Don't make out with my wife yet
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
