In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
