oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
