um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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