i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
