Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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