when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
