i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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