its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
