white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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