The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
