When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
