like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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