whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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