After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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