At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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