Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
