I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
