He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
