I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
