I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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